


~*~ Endor is for Lovers ~*~

by GrungeGirl86



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Endor is for Lovers, Fluff and Crack, Illustrated, Jealous Hux, Kylo is Crushing Harder than a 12 year old girl, Kylo is a 12 year old girl, Kylo is a Fail!Ren, M/M, Naboo Nuts!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9048976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrungeGirl86/pseuds/GrungeGirl86
Summary: In the wake of destruction wrought by The Battle of Endor, the Ewoks (with the help of Rebel Forces) launched a bold and innovative ad campaign, designed to both revive their faltering economy and rebrand the planet. "Endor is for Lovers" was a resounding success. From all over the Galaxy, people burnt-out on war and fighting flocked to Endor for romantic tree-top getaways! *100% pure crack*





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for my sister as a Christmas present (Hey Brother!). I wanted to try out the free version of "Sketches" on my iPad, and drew some very rudimentary Star Wars themed pictures on a lark. My sister saw the pictures and asked me to make up a story to go along with them (our own mini Reverse Bang). As a result, there are lots of silly inside jokes peppered throughout this story, which we find hilarious but mean absolutely nothing to anyone else. With this in mind, it is highly recommended you drink a mug or five of Eggnog before embarking on this journey, at least then you can enjoy the silly pictures. Merry Christmas!

A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away....

 

**STAR WARS**

Episode VII-ish

A RIDICULOUS PREMISE 

 

In the wake of destruction wrought by The Battle of Endor, the Ewoks (with the help of Rebel Forces) launched a bold and innovative ad campaign, designed to both revive their faltering economy and rebrand the planet. "Endor is for Lovers" was a resounding success. From all over the Galaxy, people burnt-out on war and fighting flocked to Endor for romantic tree-top getaways! ~~These are their stories…~~ (sorry, wrong franchise!)

\--------

General Hux was on the bridge, looking out over Starkiller Base and admiring its glittering surface. If he were a lesser man, one prone to nostalgia or flights of fancy, he might imagine it resembled a bauble, much like the ones his mother used to hang on their Christmas tree back on Arkanis. It was almost enough to make him feel festive... _almost_ .  
  
Hux was drawn from his reverie by Lieutenant Mitaka, returning from his quest to find a certain wayward Co-Commander. Mitaka approached and saluted the General. “I’ve located Kylo Ren, sir.”

Hux cut straight to the point. "What excuse did he give for missing the compulsory ‘Non-Denominational Winter Themed Holiday Celebration!’ earlier this evening?"  
  
"He's in traction, in sick bay, with a badly broken foot, sir. He told me he broke it saving a baby wampa from falling down an ice ravine on Starkiller Base, but there were no reports of him being injured when he arrived back in the shuttle bay this morning." Mitaka, ever the professional, managed to keep a straight face whilst relaying this _utterly_ ridiculous tale.

Hux silently fumed. _A baby wampa?!?_ Couldn’t Ren come up with anything better than that?! wampas weren't even native to the planet, and why would he _save_ one of them? They were savage, man-eating beasts! Ren was lying, and doing a very poor job of it! Did he take Hux for a fool?

The General straightened his shoulders and strengthened his resolve. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Lieutenant. I'll soon get to the bottom of this. Dismissed."

\--------

Two hours, one damage report and three security tapes later, Hux swept into the sick bay, eyes ablaze with righteous anger. "A vending machine? You broke your foot KICKING a vending machine?!?! AND you put it half-way through the refectory wall, almost killing trooper KG-1205 in the process!"  
  
Ren, helmet discarded by the side of his bed, stared back mulishly. Though Hux was pleased to note his cheeks were starting to colour a dull red. "It was out of my favourite snack, and I didn't hurt anyone, that trooper is lying." he said sulkily.  
  
Hux replied acerbically. "Yes, well he was _indisposed_ at the time. The refectory shares a wall with the communal troop bathroom. He was sitting there, minding his own business, when a vending machine almost crushes him to death! Luckily he was already on the toilet, as it gave him quite a fright."  
  
"I'll send him a card." said Ren.  
  
"See that you do! Honestly, Ren. You can't go around kicking vending machines just because they're out of _'Naboo Nuts!'_. It's irresponsible, and childish in the extreme..."

Hux was distracted from the rest of his tirade about proportionate, reasonable reactions and proper bathroom etiquette, when he spotted a colourful something sticking out from under Ren’s helmet on the nightstand by his bed. He paused abruptly, and moved to picked it up.

"What's this, a get well card?" Hux’s curiosity was piqued. Perhaps Matt down in radar maintenance had sent it? He was the closest thing Ren had to a friend.  
  
"It's nothing, leave it!" Ren snapped, trying (and failing) to snatch it out of Hux's grasp.

  


It wasn’t a get well card, that much was immediately obvious. What it appeared to be was a childishly painted depiction of Millicent, his cat. With... love hearts circling her head? Hux looked around briefly, was Ren sharing sick bay with a 12 year old girl? No, that was silly, children weren’t permitted on The Finalizer. Coming to the only logical conclusion, Hux asked. “Did Matt paint this for you?”

Then, after a moment of thought. “How does he even know about Millicent? Did she use your ‘Enemy Ashes’ as a toilet again whilst he was visiting? I’ve told you not to leave them out in the open like that! Really, it’s just asking for trouble, and don’t even get me started on the health and safety laws you’re violating…”

Ren’s face passed through a complicated range of emotions. Going from embarrassed, to perplexed, then moving right onto annoyed. “No! Why would you think…? Matt didn’t paint… I...” Ren spluttered, clearly frustrated. Then, after a pause, more quietly. “I painted it.”

Huh, well that _was_ a surprise, thought Hux. Though it really shouldn’t be, no one was immune to Millicent’s charms. Hux cleared his throat and lowered his voice back down to conversational range, slightly mollified by this evidence of Ren’s deep and abiding affection for Millicent. “Yes, well I can understand your desire to paint Millie. She is after all, a stunning creature."

He looked more closely at the picture. “Oh, and look, you've given her a little Starkiller toy…” Hux broke out into a rare smile, and looked back up at Ren. “She would enjoy that, wouldn't she? I’ll see about getting one of the troops to make one for her...”

Ren, looking sheepish, interrupted Hux’s ramblings. “There’s another one… If you liked that…” he gestured back towards the nightstand awkwardly.

Hux picked up a painting of an Ewok. “Is this _Endor_ , Ren?”

“Yes” Ren replied, quietly.

“I wasn’t aware you’d been there…” Hux raised an eyebrow, then frowned. “Also, I don’t believe that Ewok would be named ‘Bob’. I took Xenolinguistics at the Academy, and Ewoks have very strict naming conventions dictated by…”

 ***cough*** _“Nerd”_ ***cough***... “Oh sorry, I seem to have something caught in my throat.” said Ren, very unconvincingly.

Hux straightened, puffing out his chest and putting on his best sneer. He made a point of looking down his nose at Ren, before saying condescendingly. “Mock me all you like, _I’m_ not the one lying here painting pretty pictures of Endor like a silly schoolgirl. Got a secret crush do we, Ren? Something you’d like to tell me about your _‘friend’_ Matt?”

Ren responded instantly, sitting up straight and spitting out a harsh denial. “No!”

Hux continued his teasing, smug smile in place now he knew he’d hit a sore spot. “Well, we all know _‘Endor is for Lovers’_ , so you must be painting them for someone!”

“Maybe I just like Ewoks? I used to go to Endor all the time when I was a kid!” Ren countered defensively.

“Oh, is that why you're so tiny in this painting? Either that, or you’ve discovered a giant race of Ewoks, hitherto unknown to science.” said Hux with a wide-eyed, patronising look upon his face. “What an achievement, Ren!”

Ren stiffened, looking _extremely_ offended, and bit out with an icy countenance. “It’s _hard_ defining scale in 2D, and OBVIOUSLY the Ewok is in the foreground…”

Sensing victory, Hux discarded the Ewok picture and seized upon the final painting on the nightstand. Hux had missed it at first, as it was placed behind the others, almost hidden under Ren’s medical chart. “Oh look, there’s one more…”

Scanning the page quickly, Hux read out in his most condescending voice. “ _'Endor is for Lovers’_ ... oh how _quaint_ , and there's little love hearts on this one too! You really are the worst liar, Ren... I’m sure you and _Matt_ will be very happy together.”

“GIVE ME THAT!” Ren roared, stretching awkwardly towards Hux, force powers forgotten in the ensuing melee.

“No, it’s mine now!” said Hux, meanly. Fending off Ren with one hand, and holding the paper in the air with the other. Ren started clawing at Hux’s uniform in a desperate attempt to get the painting back. “Why don’t you want me to see it? Embarrassed that I caught you daydreaming about _Matt_...”

Ren looked pissed off and confused in equal measure. “Why do you keep bringing up Matt?! He’s just my spotter at the gym!”

“ _Oh yes_ , I’m sure he gives you _quite_ the workout.” said Hux sarcastically, adding spitefully. “I wonder what the Supreme Leader would say if he knew you were running off for romantic rendezvous with _‘Matt the radar technician’_ , you ought to be more careful, Ren. Leaving _this_ lying around is very careless of you.” Hux waved the painting in the air violently.

“Why do you even care?!” Ren shouted, giving up the fight and slumping back on the bed with a defeated sigh.

“I don’t.” sniffed Hux, straightening out his uniform and flattening down his hair, trying desperately to gain back some sense of decorum. “I just find the whole ‘Endor is for Lovers’ concept tacky and overdone, and it’s unbecoming of someone of your rank to be _mooning_ over a lowly radar technician.”

Ren ignored the barb about Matt, and focused instead on Hux’s slight again Endor. “...but it’s _literally_ the most romantic place in the Galaxy!”  
  
Hux snorted derisively. “An Ewok skipping through a flowery meadow with heart shaped balloons, that says romance to you?”  
  
“Yes” said Ren, stubbornly. “...and the Ewok’s name is BOB. I met him when I was a kid. I was on set when they shot the ad.”

Hux remained silent. His only response, raising one incredulous eyebrow.

“I was in charge of the doves.” added Ren, proudly.  
  
“I don't remember doves featuring in the ad?” said Hux, puzzled.  
  
Ren looked down, a forlorn little frown on his face. “No, we ended up using hot air balloons filled with arrow wielding cherubs instead. The doves kept pooping on everything. It wasn't very romantic.”

“Ah yes, I remember now, those cherubs did add a certain _‘je ne sais quoi’..._ ” said Hux, thoughtfully while waving his hand in a vague sort of way. “Though I really do think you’re mistaken about ‘Bob’, it’s a ludicrous name for an Ewok.”

Ren looked up, a challenge in his eyes. “Well, I can introduce you to him if you like, and he can tell you himself…” Ren looked down again, suddenly shy. “...you know, if you come to Endor with me.”

After a moment of silence, Ren peeked up at Hux, gauging his reaction. If it were anyone else, Ren would say they looked _‘touched’_ , but as it was Hux… well, Ren would choose to believe it was the dust in the air making his eyes water like that.

“I’d like that very much, Kylo.” said Hux, a soft, tiny smile on his face.

\--------

**Later...**

“So, what do you think?…”

“What do I think of what, Ren?”

“Our initials, on the tree...”

“Well, at the risk of repeating myself, they’re very tiny…”

“No, not in the painting!... and the scale was accurate, the trees are really big on Endor!... I mean, what do you think of me putting our initials on a tree? It could be our tree… I’d burn them in using my lightsaber...”  
  
“I'm fairly sure that would incur a fine, Ren. You can't just go around defacing the local flora…”

“....”  
  
“...but I would appreciate the gesture, it's very... sweet.”

  
\--------

**Later still…**

“If you were thinking of me when you painted all these pictures, then why aren’t I in this one?”

“Oh, but you are…”

“Where, am I obscured behind the improbably large Ewok?"

“No!” ... “You're up in the _‘Love Shack’_ ... all _‘shagged out’_ as you Arkanians would say.”

Hux smirked and rolled his eyes. “Really Ren, just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself in front of Millicent.”

**Author's Note:**

> Full credit for the design of “Bob” the Ewok and Kylo Ren goes to these people, whose images I copied (badly) from a Google images search:  
> Ewok: http://www.how-to-draw-cartoons-online.com/how-to-draw-an-ewok.html  
> Kylo Ren: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXRa-LU1ceU  
> 


End file.
